Free To Be Me

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the Lord sees, for man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7

When the Israelites demanded an earthly king, God chose Saul to be anointed as their king. Now Saul was from an influential family and the scripture goes on to tell us that he was an "impressive young man. There was no one more impressive among the Israelites than he. He stood a head taller than anyone else" (1 Samuel 9:2). The description of Saul probably matches the characteristics that we too would look for in a king; influential and impressive. Unfortunately for Saul, he ended up not being faithful to God's commands and God removed him as king of Israel. 

Later on in chapter 16 Samuel is sent out once again to anoint the one that the Lord has chosen to be king of Israel. Samuel is sent to Jesse of Bethlehem because one of his sons is to be the next king. When Samuel arrives he obviously spots the one, who I presume to have the same characteristics as Saul, who he thinks is God's choice. "When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and said, “Certainly the Lord’s anointed one is here before Him” (1 Samuel 16:6). What happens next is wonderful! Look at 1 Samuel 16:7 at the beginning of this post again. Once again, God takes our human logic and turns it upside down. He chose the youngest, David, to be king and not what seemed to be the obvious choice, Eliab. God doesn't look at the visible, but at the heart!

For far too many years I have placed an unhealthy amount of attention in my life on what "man sees." To some degree, I believe I sacrificed some of who I was in order to meet other people's expectations. I imagine many ministers face this struggle. I felt pressure as I served in other ministerial roles but it really scared me when I first became a pastor a little over four years ago. I remember for the first few months when I got home I wouldn't change into more comfortable clothing until bed for fear that there would be an emergency or that someone would drop by or call. In actuality, I think being a pastor has helped me realize that I can not make everyone happy. I've known that but I really know it now. 

I have finally come to a point in my life where I am happy with who I am. I know that most of the people in the area I minister in don't know what to think about me at times. I do not hunt or fish. I do not like country music. I don't like Nascar. The list could go on. So who am I? I am a man who loves God first through a relationship with Jesus Christ. I am a man who loves his wife and kids and loves spending time with them. I have a new passion in soccer and it leads me to do crazy things like getting up at 6:30am on a Saturday morning just so that I can watch Arsenal play. I am also a man of many fandoms which include Star Wars, Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Sherlock and recently Doc Martin. Sometimes I wonder why God would put me in an area where I seem to be so different yet I can honestly say that I believe one of God's purpose's in this is that I have finally come to the place in my life where I am happy with who I am. 

So while I may seem strange to some, I know that God sees my heart and that gives me confidence to be happy with who I am!